I've been thinking a lot lately, and yesterday was one of those thinking days (especially in the Bible study I attend). It's been a rough semester for me, and I have done my fair share of failing and messing up all along the way. In the course of this semester, I have had my up and downs, highs and lows, and I have been reminded of why I am who I am. God has definitely blessed my life, in ways that I still don't understand, and put me into places where I have learned so much - even from my failures. He has given me so much grace and mercy, guiding me and leading me through ever moment of my life.
I realize, with some thinking at Bible Study last night, that my life is a lot like the story of Jonah. God has placed a supernatural calling on my life, and I have run from that calling for quite a while now. Reading back on my notes from last night, I can see so much resemblance in the life of Jonah and my own life. I have seen all the astounding, miraculous, and amazing things that God has continued to surround my life with; little reminders of the future He has in store for my life. Even with all the amazing things that God has done in my life, like Jonah, I have continued to run from that calling. All the while, God has been drawing my heart back to Him. . . steadily, patiently waiting for me to give up my fighting. I have fought God in so many ways that it is hard to even begin counting the things I have done to go as far away, from what I am called to do, as I can.
Last night was one of those nights, when God spoke to me and asked me one thing. One thing to completely blind side me, to lower all of my defenses, to penetrate deep into my heart. God called me out last night on the things I had been doing; it was straight-forward, blunt, and I definitely needed to hear it. See, God put up a literal roadblock in my path (just like He did with Jonah --> making the sea storm violently) so that I couldn't run away anymore. It was a good thing that He did though, because I have been so weary from running and the guilt of my unfaithfulness has haunted my every thought. God knew it. I knew it. And God was tired of it. I honestly believe that God spoke to me last night to just ask me a question: "What in the world are you doing, my son? Really. . . what in the heck are you doing?" I think it was all I could do at that moment not to burst into tears, but I knew that God was right.
I was like Jonah, asleep below deck while the sea was beyond violent around him - literally scaring the well-experienced sailors aboard the boat, to the point where they threw their cargo (their livelihood) overboard . . . afraid that they were going to die. I was just like that! I was asleep while God was creating a violent storm all around me . . .trying to get my attention . . . and what was I doing? Sleeping. Running from my purpose, blind to the things bigger than me. Boy did I feel naive!
I tell you this not for sympathy, but to serve as an example. I ask that you examine your own life. Are you running from God? Why? Why are you running? God always grabs the attention of those He loves . . . one way or another. Whether through a quiet whisper, or a booming, violent storm; God has His own ways of grabbing our attention. Would you rather run from God and face being wrapped up in your own desires (most likely ending up being miserable), or letting the God of the universe, who knows you best, make the most out of your existence? It's up to you, because only you can choose.
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